RANSVESTIA

mitting to his demands. My arms crept around his neck as if they had nowhere else to go. We kissed like I never kissed before. I had never been the kissee - ever... and I almost swooned. Fortunately, some passers-by made Peter stop. His breath was fast and I could see he was very excited.

At our front door, I thanked Peter for the lovely evening and before he could take the initiative again, I gave him a light peck and went inside. There I stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall ... all confused... emotionally bankrupt... ashamed like I never had been before. Peter had treated me as a girl... and I had reacted and acted completely like the real thing. How could I ever fall that far?? What had happened to my own will? What had happened to Chris the boy?

Mother took my hand, curious about what I was doing so long in the hall. The triumvirate of godmothers had been waiting up for me, playing dominos. They were anxious to hear all about my exper- iences. And in telling them I forgot all about my earlier reflections and reservations. I actually found myself swirling on my toes, telling them how nice a time I had had and how much I had danced with everyone.

When all had been told, I sat down, suddenly tired out. With my hands in my lap, I looked at the three women. Mother told the other two how nice Peter looked and what a nice couple we made. It made me feel bad all over. From nowhere the tears started flowing. The three women did not know what hit them. They were full of con- cem, asking me what the matter was and if they could do anything. I just shook my head. They would never understand.

As mother let the other two out the door, each of them having kissed me good night, I sat in my chair, trying to stem the flow of tears. As mother re-entered the room and smiled at me, I realized the awesome, terrible truth. They had made a girl out of me. Having risen to this new plateau of complete femininity I was finally able to face the unadulterated truth. They had made a girl out of me ... irre- vocably and permanently.

I knew now that after the experiences of that evening, that mother would never let me be a boy again. I could not let myself be a com- plete masculine being again. Without hope for the future, I was doomed to be mother's daughter.

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